Citizen Kenn
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Political Discourse & Other Oxymorons.

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Personality Cult

3/6/2016

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We at the citizen have a solution to the immigration crisis. Immigrants who pick, or harvest, a certain number of fruit or vegetables qualify for instant, life-long citizenship. Her at the 'Citizen' we take our fruits and vegetables seriously. (Well, not so much our veggies, but we're pretty serious about our fruits.)
To that end, we retained the services of a group of people whose names are synonymous with vegetable economics. Yes, bean counters. Our team of economic experts were able to compile a database of numeric values, a legume logarithm, if you will, to tabulate reasonable thresholds of various vegetable harvests, that would be used as a measure of dedication that we would deem the harvester/migrant/worker worthy of citizenship status. 
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    My name is Kenn. I'm a citizen of the United States.

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