Letters to our Dear Editor.

​Dear Citizen,

The contents of this site leave most of my brain under utilized. Can you pleeeeze make this site more interesting.
Sincerely,
J.F.K.
[email protected] 
 
Dear, J.F.K. via rushmouthfart@wtf.
 
The proper utilization of your brain is your responsibility. However, your comment is the first, and thus far the only comment this site has ever received. For that alone, you are to be commended. (Perhaps even accoladed.)
It is unfortunate however, that a user of your caliber, creativity and diligence is disappointed with the level of brain activity required by our site. We are taking your criticism to heart, and have hired a team of ‘brain activation specialists’ whose unabashed determination is decidedly matched by their lack of expertise. (But they’re cheap!)
They are tasked with the mission of adding new links, material and a ton of fodder to this site in the coming cycles of the moon.
We look forward to receiving more constructive feedback from enlightened users like yourself, [email protected]. Or, more likely, only you, rushmouthfart@wtf. Believe me, you—are worth it, and you’re welcome.
Sincerely,
The bots.


Dear Editor,
You suck.
Yours truly,
A Big Fan.

Dear Editor,
If you print this, you must really be desperate.
Sincerely,
Giraldo Rivera

Dear Editor,
You probably don’t remember me but I came to you for help one time, many years ago, and you took me in and swore you’d help me get back on my feet. When I woke up the next morning, you were gone, along with my money, my car and my cat. I later found out it wasn’t even your house and was charged with burglary of a dwelling.
Well, I’m waiting downstairs. I can’t wait to see you again.
Sincerely,
J.K. Rowlings

Dear Editor,
I used to be an editor, many, many years ago. Back before it was capitalized. We were just small e editors. We used to use red markers to circle mistakes, and strange abbreviations in the margins. We practically invented abbreviations, and we were very jealous of our margin space. Nowadays, of course, editing is a whole different story, and
(Editors Note: This is the most boring story I have ever edited. Trust me folks, I’m doing you all a favor by truncating it.) …and that’s why things are so screwed up today. Anyway, thanks for printing my letter. I’m sure a lot of folks will find it interesting.
Sincerely,
Former Editor in Chief,
The Daily Tort
Bobby Bombastino


Dear Editror,
The article about the Brosnin pyramids was bogus. The picute was ovviously phooto shopped. Talk about a half-assed job. You should get another job. Like, doing something else. Pease don't talk it personally. Otherwise, I really lake your site. Tahnkyou, 
A concerned American.


Dear Kenn,
It pains me to see the depths you have allowed yourself to sink to. Editor of a malfunctioning cartoonish blog site like this. It's pretty pathetic. And that Bosnian Pyramid Piece. Wow. So you're a big man now, picking on the 'Brutish Bosnians.' Look, Kenn, your old position is still open, believe it or not, and we would seriously consider hiring you back. If you happen to be in the area, you might want to stop in and fill out an application. I'm not making any promises, but hey, how could we not hire you?
Patrique Pasqualle - Owner
Squeaky Gleeps Janitorial Service.

---